Shawn Handlon and Bethany Poulter

Shawn Patrick Handlon
Age: 38
Hometown: Grosse Pointe Woods, Michigan
NCL Ships: The Star, The Spirit


Bethany Dawn Poulter
Age: 26
Hometown: Salt Lake City, Utah
NCL Ships: The Star, The Dream, The Spirit

Shawn is one of the cast members of The Second City currently aboard The Spirit. Bethany is his girlfriend. She’s a Y.C. (Youth Counselor). This is Shawn’s fifth contract with Second City on an NCL cruise ship. By the time our contract ends in October, Shawn will have been on The Spirit for just over a year. He spent eight months in 2007 touring Mexico on The Star. This is where he met the lovely Bethany. They have been dating ever since.
Shawn used to be a banker in Detroit. He hated his job, so he quit to pursue acting. He began taking classes at Second City and eventually became a Mainstage member of Second City Detroit for a couple of years before adding the NCL ships to his resume. He plans on returning to Detroit for the holidays this year with the possibility of returning to ship life in early 2009.
Bethany is a practicing Mormon. She loves working with children and is fluent in Russian, having lived there for a year teaching English. Bethany also really likes to eat fruit. I suspect she eats entire meals of nothing but fruit. I recently lent her a book and she dropped it in the toilet…but she offered to buy me a new one to replace it. I declined because I already read it (and who wants to read a book about war and slavery more than once anyway?). I thought it showed great strength of character that she admitted she dropped it in the toilet and not the pool.

I’m able to catch Bethany on a break between shifts in the Kids Centre. Shawn and I tend to have loads of free time, so our schedules are less of an issue. The three of us pile into Shawn’s small cabin and they eat dinner (lots of fruit on those plates) as I ask questions. I think it’s very kind that they’re allowing me to invade their private time in this small cabin, especially because I think I have the flu.

BETHANY: Shawn, turn on the light so Carla doesn’t strain her eyes.
Bethany’s very thoughtful.
CARLA: Shawn, you’re from Grosse Pointe Woods, Michigan. Is that like from the movie “Grosse Pointe Blank” with John Cusack?
SHAWN: That was shot on what they call…the Hill? The Village? Well, Grosse Pointe Shores, there are five. Grosse Pointe Park, City of Grosse Pointe, Grosse Pointe Woods, Village, maybe? I don’t know, something else. It was shot in a little town in the city of Grosse Pointe and the high school was where my Dad went.

My head feels real cloudy. What’s this about hills and villages? I sneeze. Shawn offers me a Kleenex.

CARLA: No, thank you.
SHAWN: You sure? They have lotion in them.
CARLA: Nah, I have my own.

I pull a wad of toilet paper out of my pocket.

SHAWN: I liked that movie, by the way. Grosse Pointe Blank.
BETHANY: I didn’t see it.
SHAWN: I don’t think you would like it.
CARLA: I don’t remember much about it.

Bethany doesn’t like movies where people lie, cheat or kill. I can’t remember if any of these things happen in “Grosse Pointe Blank”. I can’t remember much of anything right now.

CARLA: Okay, when did you first meet?
BETHANY: Week of February 10th, but I don’t know which day.
SHAWN: 2007.
CARLA: I can’t believe 2007 is over.

Long pause.
Wait. 2007 has been over for how long? Oh. Seven months. That’s a long time to not be used to it being over yet...Or is it?

SHAWN: I had another girlfriend at the time. She was also on the ship. A photographer.
BETHANY: And she was even younger than me!
SHAWN: And, just for the record, Bethany had nothing to do with why we broke up. We weren’t getting along. It all started up in the Spinnaker Lounge. I was hanging out with a bunch of people. It was Margaret (Second City cast member), her husband, Jitterbug, Magic, Bethany and me.

Note to reader: The Youth Counselors on board all have “professional names”. Bethany’s is Blueberry. There’s an Amanda AKA Apple Pie, a Cindy AKA Happy Camper and another Amanda AKA Amazon. From what I can gather, “Jitterbug” and “Magic” were YC’s. Bethany’s YC name for Shawn is “Shamrock”. I haven’t jumped on this name bandwagon, though I have been told by Bethany that “Canary” would suit me well.

SHAWN (CONT’D): There was this passenger who was really drunk hitting on Jitterbug and Magic. His name was Frog.

If Magic and Frog hook up, does this mean Frog turns into a Prince?

SHAWN (CONT’D): Jitterbug and Magic sent him over to Bethany and Margaret, you know, to get him off their backs—
BETHANY: We were in the corner, minding our own business.
SHAWN: He was really mean, calling Margaret fat and stuff…

So the Frog doesn’t turn into a Prince? I’m confused again. What are we talking about? Does Frog turn into John Cusack? Where’s Grosse Pointe Blank?

SHAWN (CONT’D): Margaret was like, “Look, I’m married. I’m not going to have sex with you and Bethany”.
BETHANY: I had nothing. No excuse of anything to say—
SHAWN: So, I pretended to be her fiancée.
CARLA: Bethany’s?
SHAWN: Yeah.
BETHANY: He grabbed my hand.
SHAWN: We held hands all night long.
BETHANY: We were making up our past, our own story, as we went along all night.
SHAWN: So, a few weeks later—
BETHANY: He gave me chocolate coins every day. Every day he’d find me and give me a chocolate coin.
SHAWN: And then one night, we were looking at pictures, and I planted one on her. And then, uh, at that point she only had about a month left in her contract…I didn’t want to kiss her until I quit smoking. Magic and Jitterbug were my smoking buddies.

I wonder what ever happened to Frog?

SHAWN: And then when we said goodbye we thought maybe that’d be the end of it. She bought a ticket to come visit me as a passenger.
BETHANY: But then I got a call that because I had just worked on the ship, I wasn’t allowed to come back so soon as a passenger.
SHAWN: A rule that doesn’t even really exist! So she decided to exchange her ticket for a ticket to Detroit when I was done with my contract…someone was a little more smitten than she thought she was.
BETHANY: I was.

Aww. I sneeze.

BETHANY: So I visited Detroit in June and then we didn’t see each other again until November. I did a contract on The Dream that went to the Baltic…Shawn’s bad at e-mails. I had a pretty traumatic summer because I hardly heard from him.

I can’t stop sneezing. There's snot everywhere.

SHAWN: In my defense, I was directing a two person show for the Fringe Festival.
CARLA: So, were you committed to just each other at this time?

Shawn and Bethany glance at each other. It’s awkward…I hope for a sneeze to break up the awkwardness, but it doesn’t come. Sneezes are so unreliable.

BETHANY: I think the reason he didn’t write to me was because he didn’t think it was going anywhere.
SHAWN: Okay, that’s not it…Well, I didn’t have time for anyone else. I was really busy.

They stare at each other again. Shawn starts laughing.

SHAWN: I was!

Bethany starts laughing. Awkwardness averted.

BETHANY: He hardly e-mailed me! What, like twice?
SHAWN: No, more like seven.
BETHANY: Maybe like four.
SHAWN: It wasn’t that few.

They’re laughing much harder now. I’m alternating between laughs and sneezes.

SHAWN: Maybe some of them got lost! Oh, also, some of them were one sentence.
BETHANY: I’m counting those! I’m gonna go look at my yahoo account.
SHAWN: I am too.
CARLA: So, why did you come on board The Spirit last fall, Bethany?
BETHANY: Well, I was supposed to do The Jewel, but then I switched to The Spirit. So, ya, I was kind of following him.
SHAWN: Not kind of.
BETHANY: I came thinking I’d stick it out through Christmas and if it didn’t work out with Shawn, I’d go home.

I sneeze really, really loud. The whole cabin shakes. Or is it just rocky today? I have the flu or something. I finally accept a lotion tissue from Shawn. He starts making fun of my boogers.

SHAWN: Let’s see how many booger jokes we can get into our improv show tonight!

Bethany explains that when her contract on The Spirit was up this past May, she went back to Utah to get a job. Things had gone well with Shawn but he had signed up to do another contract that would take him through October. Bethany hated the job she got in Utah and missed Shawn. She re-signed until the end of August and came back on The Spirit July 1st.

CARLA: So, what’s going to happen with you two when Bethany’s done in August?

I swear to god, the flu is clouding my question asking judgment.

SHAWN: We’re getting into questions we don’t even know the answer to…
CARLA: Shawn, what’s your favorite place to hang out on the ship?
SHAWN: Maharini’s.
CARLA: Bethany?
BETHANY: Shawn’s room…whether or not he’s here. Just kidding! I like it a lot, though, because it’s away from the Kids Center and crew areas…I really do like the Kids Center too, though. Fun people, movie nights, games. It’s a happy place…except for the scary monster painted on the wall in the ball cage.

For a better idea of this monster, please see picture of Rory, below.

CARLA: So, Shawn. You’re still a smoker, right?
BETHANY: Ya. But I smoke substantially less when Bethany’s around. Two or three a day. Also, I brush my teeth a lot more.
CARLA: Okay, five years ago, where’d you think you’d be now?
BETHANY: Hmm… I was twenty one.

A funny gurgle sound escapes Shawn’s throat.

BETHANY (CONT’D): What?
SHAWN: Nothing…you were only twenty one five years ago.
BETHANY (laughing): I thought I’d be a social worker? Maybe married and a social worker?
CARLA: What about you, Shawn?
SHAWN: I would’ve been what? Thirty three? Just starting with The Second City? No, I had been with the touring company for a couple of years by then. Um…Yeah, I don’t know. I guess I’m about where I figured I’d be…still somehow trying to make a living making people laugh. And I definitely knew I’d never go back to the bank.
CARLA: What’s your favorite movie?
SHAWN: Shawshank or Casablanca or Star Wars or Godfather…
BETHANY: Or?
SHAWN: What?
BETHANY: You know!
SHAWN: Oh, right. The Little Mermaid. It’s not one of my favorites, but it’s one of my favorites.
CARLA: Bethany?
SHAWN: She doesn’t really have one.
BETHANY: I don’t. But if I had to pick one, I’d say Princess Bride. But I’d get sick of it watching it over and over again.
CARLA: Okay. If real life could be a tv show, which would it be like?
SHAWN: What do you mean?
CARLA: Just take it however you take it.

The snot in my head is suffocating the part of my brain that likes to think clearly.

BETHANY: Are you asking me that too?
CARLA: Yep.
BETHANY: Definitely not like Lost. Shawn, I thought you would say Seinfeld.
SHAWN: No. I don’t know.
BETHANY: What? Would you say 24 or Lost or something like that?
SHAWN: Maybe!

Bethany spends the next few minutes breaking down the question for Shawn. She wants to make sure he understands all the consequences of picking life as a fugitive government agent official fighting terrorists or being stranded on a desert island with a smoke monster and “The Others”. Shawn takes a long, deliberate pause.

SHAWN: “Cheers”.

They high five each other.

SHAWN: I’d be Sam. I always thought it’d be fun to own a bar that you could throw a party at every week.
BETHANY: Mine would be “Sweet Life of Zack and Cody”. It’s a Disney show. They live in a hotel, nobody cheats, nobody dies. It’s a nice life.

I sneeze for the trillionth time. I take another lotion tissue. It does feel significantly better than the toilet paper I’ve been using for the past few days. I blow and wipe my nose real hard, hoping to get as much lotion from this tissue as possible. Shawn inches the garbage can towards me.

CARLA: Okay, one word to describe the crew bar.
BETHANY: That’s a hard one.
SHAWN: That’s not hard.
BETHANY: Smoky…loud. Oh. That’s two words.
SHAWN: Drama.
BETHANY: I’m trying to think of another word for tacky…
SHAWN: Gossip. How about gossip?
BETHANY (giggling): I’m thinking of the way it looks and you’re thinking of the people in it. We’re on two different planes.

Shawn offers a Diet Coke. I accept. Shawn has a fridge in his room. It makes me real jealous. I try not to rub snot on the coveted door as I reach in for a beverage.

CARLA: Bethany, one word to describe Shawn.
BETHANY: What’s with the one word questions? It’s so limited.
SHAWN: How about sweet, brilliant, hilarious, charming!
BETHANY: Charming came to mind.
SHAWN: Delightful!
BETHANY: Wait! You’re writing down his words?
CARLA: Yeah.
BETHANY: Okay. Go ahead.
CARLA: Shawn. One word to describe Bethany.
SHAWN: Ssss…Yeah, let’s go with sweet!
BETHANY: Aww…
SHAWN: Lovable—
BETHANY: Just one word! You know, in Mormon culture, if a girl isn’t very pretty, she has a “sweet spirit”. If guy’s say that about a girl it’s like, “oooh, burn!” And thank you for not saying, “blonde” or “gullible”—
SHAWN: Naïve?
BETHANY: Or naïve.
CARLA: What’s the code for man overboard?
BETHANY: Code Oscar.
SHAWN: Yes, Oscar…I kind of forgot for a second.
CARLA: Alright. Tell me what you think of when you hear these words. First word: Eat.
BETHANY: I think of food.
SHAWN: Comfort, warmth, contentment.
CARLA: Pray.
BETHANY: I think of what I do for Shawn’s soul every day. Kidding! I’m only kidding! Not my answer. I think of god and I do pray. I think it’s an effective way to deal with life’s challenges.
SHAWN: I thought of “ey”. “Prey”. And then I thought of schools and tests.
CARLA: Love.
BETHANY: Shawn, this book, “Eat, Prey, Love”. I was reading it when you were courting me on The Star. And one night you tucked me in and picked it up from my night stand and read me a passage from it!
SHAWN: Wait, so what’s the third word?
CARLA: Love.
BETHANY: Being happy and wanting to do things for people that you wouldn’t otherwise do.
SHAWN: I think of, uh, um…comfort, warmth, contentment. Eating and love are very similar for me.