Rory Jones

RORY JONES
Age: Twenty.
Hometown: Norwich, England (He was born in Germany. He doesn’t have dual citizenship, but reminds me he “absolutely could if desired”.)
NCL Ship: The Spirit

Rory Jones is not technically crew. Rory’s father is a firefighter on the ship and he has been visiting his dad since May 31st. So, as of this interview, Rory has been on The Spirit with “Guest” status for seven weeks. Rory has a name tag so that he can enter crew areas without being hassled, but his badge reads, “Rory Jones: GUEST”. He’s set to debark on July 26th, but is trying to get a visa so the he can alter that “Guest” badge to a “Crew” badge and be an official employee of NCL.

While on The Spirit, Rory has been doing “research” for his undergrad at University of Reading in England. His major is currently Geography, but he was recently granted funding to study for a masters and PhD in “cruise tourism” at the University of Brighton. Rory agreed to this interview in exchange for me filling out a survey. I was asked many questions about my thoughts on the types of passengers a cruise ship attracts, why people take cruises, what they seem to enjoy, etc. I answered all of these questions in a most professional and honest manner. I said, “Overweight people. Because people are lazy. People who like to eat. Etc.”

Rory has managed to pass the long days at sea by doing something constructive with his time. He volunteers in the Kids Centre. He’s like a Y.C. (Youth Counselor, A.K.A. Entertainer of Children), but he doesn’t get paid. If that didn’t make him a nice enough guy, when I went to take pictures of him in the Kids Centre, a little Russian boy ran up to him, jumped into his arms and called him, “Papa” (on paper it sounds crazy, in person it was adorable). Rory has enjoyed working in the Kids Centre so much that he’s applying for a visa to see if he can stay on the ship a couple more months and do more of it.

The first time I met Rory was in the crew bar. As I tried to talk to him over very loud Filipino music that made his British accent nearly impossible to understand, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful this young man is. No, I’m not being lecherous (and, hey! I’m only eight years older.). He’s officially beautiful. Official because I say so and beautiful because he looks like a Grecian god. Long, slender features that come to a point…okay…I’m not good with flowery language. Imagine Orlando Bloom in “Lord of the Rings”, take away the pointy ears and bow and arrow and add a mod hair cut. Voila! Rory Jones.

Rory has a very deep voice. It’s so deep that when you first hear it come out of his sweet little face, you think he must be joking. When I commented on how deep it was and said, “you must get sick of people telling you that all the time”, he looked confused. “Don’t people tell you how deep your voice is?”

“No. Never.”

I would’ve thought he was joking, but a) he didn’t laugh and b) he’s British. I don’t mean to say that Brits never joke, just that I can’t always tell when they are. During that first conversation in the crew bar, Rory told me and Megan (fellow cast mate) that he saw our Second City show. We smiled and casually waited for the obliged, “great job!”…but it never came. After a few awkward seconds he explained, “I didn’t laugh at your show. I don’t get it.”

I decided then and there that Rory Jones was someone to be admired and examined.

This interview was given on a sea day, Saturday, July 19th 2008.
RORY: Do you mind if I take my shoes off?

Rory takes off his white sneaks (are those Keds?) and slides his feet under his bum. Among Rory’s many admirable qualities is flexibility.

RORY: I don’t mean to be rude, I just want to get comfortable.
CARLA: Sure, sure. What’s your favorite kind of music?
Rory mumbles something that sounds like, “mindy inu rock”.
CARLA: Indie Hindu Rock?
RORY: What? No. Indie Rock. That’d be interesting, though, since I’m the biggest atheist in the world!

This is the first of many misunderstandings I have while trying to transcribe Rory’s answers to my note pad.

RORY: I lost my voice the fourth week I was on board because people, you know American passengers and people, Americans, were having me repeat myself again and again…

Darn it! He’s grouping me in with “Americans”. Dumb Americans. Please don’t think I’m ignorant to British speak! I watch Emma Thompson movies ALL THE TIME.

RORY: I lost it because they couldn’t understand me, you know, but also because they wanted to hear me say words with a British accent. My accent seems to make me very approachable in the states. Americans seem to hear my accent and that’s it—they’re off! Say this, say that.

Crossing, “please say ‘bread and butter’ five times fast” off my questionnaire.

CARLA: What’s your favorite movie?
RORY: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The original one! Not the horrible crap one with Johnny Depp where they ruined it.
CARLA: What’s the best part about being British?

Rory laughs. Rory has a nice laugh. It’s a chuckle. Once he does it this first time, the flood gates (or the gates to Buckingham Palace—eh? Eh?) open and Rory fills the next thirty minutes with appropriate British laughter.

RORY: That’s a hard question. I guess we’re well known…I mean, people think they know British people. Especially people from the states always pretend like they know about Britain. You know, “Oh, I came from Britain”. Who cares? Or, the Royal Family. Everyone has opinions about the Royal Family. The amount of questions I’ve gotten about them since I’ve been onboard is ridiculous. “What do you think about Princess Diana’s death?” I don’t know, I don’t care. People outside—like Americans—know and care about the Royal Family way more than I do. I’m all for getting rid of the Royal Family.

Big X through the question, “Which prince do you like more, William or Henry?”

CARLA: Well, then, what’s the worst part about being British?
RORY: Everyone thinks that we’re “snooty Brits”, which is actually something that was quoted to me by a parent in the Kids Centre.
CARLA: What’d you say to the parent?
RORY: Nothing. I just sat back and composed myself. People have an opinion that we’re quite reserved…which, I guess, is true.
CARLA: What makes you laugh?
RORY: Just my friends, generally. Nothing particularly, just randomly. I wouldn’t say that I laugh a lot, but when I do it’s nothing particular, just spontaneous.

I laugh. Rory does not.

CARLA: What’s your favorite thing to do on the ship?
RORY: I love being in the Kids Centre. Particularly the 2-5 year olds. They’re the most fun. Food is getting to be the most fun as well. I’m quite enjoying dining out. But I don’t think I’ve gained any weight—

Rory pats his tiny waist and laughs. I laugh too. We both laugh.

RORY: I really just love being here on a daily basis, meeting passengers and crew. It feels like home now, I’m quite comfortable here. I’m not an…not an attention person? You know? But being here for so long as a “guest”? It’s funny. People see my name tag, they don’t understand why a guest is here for so long, so I’m kind of my own kind of celebrity. Which is nice. I guess. But you’ve got the bit jub mumble gurgle gurgle blah blah, haven’t you?

Huh?

CARLA: I’m sorry. What was that?

Rory laughs. I do not.

RORY: You’ve got the best job on the ship, haven’t you?

I smile, not fully understanding the implications of his question.

CARLA: Yes, it is a great job.
RORY: Yes, I should think so!

I decide Rory’s not being sarcastic. He’s being sincere. I’m starting to understand his subtext.

CARLA: Favorite port?
RORY: Tortola. Sea Lions (he sings this to me. “Seeeaaa Lionnnns”).
CARLA: Where do you see yourself in five years?
RORY: Hopefully in a stable job, a stable relationship and…happy. What job that will be, what person or how happy—that I don’t know!
CARLA: What’s your cabin like?
RORY: Deck 4. Passenger hallway. I live in a disabled room.
CARLA: Do you have a roommate?
RORY: No.

I get sad as I think of my small shared cabin--

CARLA: Is it quiet?
RORY: Yes.

--located right underneath the ship’s kitchen.

RORY: I didn’t want the disabled room at first, though. I thought, “I just don’t think it’s ethical for me to live in a room for the disabled”.

I wonder who I have to buy candy for to get a disabled room?

RORY: But it’s enormous! You could park a car in it! I’ve managed not to press the emergency button yet. It looks exactly like the light switch!
CARLA: Okay, Rory, I have to know…what didn’t you like about our Second City show?
RORY: Well, I don’t get the North American humor. Your cast mate Shawn makes me laugh—

Shawn?! Damn it!.. Well, that’s fair. Shawn is pretty hilarious.

RORY: --not necessarily in the show, but on a day to day basis.

Ah ha!

RORY: But I don’t really like many of the shows here. I like “On the Radio”. That one makes me happy for some reason. But I really don’t like, “On Broadway”. If I wanted to see a Broadway show, I would just see an entire one, not one with mished mashed bits.

At this point the bandmaster, Lanie, and cruise staff admin, Mariana, enter to use the computers. Rory and I get out of our chairs and move to a couple of stools in the corner. Rory tells Lanie he’d like to do something for the crew show next week. Lanie asks Rory what he’d like to do?

RORY: I don’t know…wave the British flag?

We all laugh. I decide Rory is hilarious and I want him to think I’m hilarious too.

CARLA: If your life could be a t.v. show, which would it be?
RORY: I would probably say “Friends”. “Friends” reminds me a lot of University.
CARLA: Which character would you be?
RORY: Chandler…although, education wise, probably Ross. Although, I would’ve given up on Rachel a long time ago…I certainly wouldn’t have had a child with her.
CARLA: What’s your worst habit?
RORY: I’m very indecisive. That’s not a habit conventionally, but I cannot make a decision. Typical Gemini.
CARLA: Me too! Gemini!

Please like me!

RORY: I’d much rather have someone else make a decision for me.
CARLA: Me too!

Now that Rory and I have made new steps of solidarity in our friendship,
I erase a few of the crosses I made on top of questions in my note pad and decide he’d love to answer them.

CARLA: Kenneth Branagh’s one of my favorites. What do you think of him?
RORY: I don’t even know who that is.
CARLA: Emma Thompson? What do you think of Emma Thompson?
RORY: Should I know who these people are?

I recross all the uncrosses.

CARLA: Do you watch “The Office”?
RORY: Yes…no. Well, when anyone asks me, “have you seen The Office?” they usually mean the American version. I haven’t seen the American version. I’m led to believe it was English before American…this time at least. I love David Brent. My humor’s a lot like that. Dry humor. Randomness…
CARLA: Okay, what’s your favorite British movie?
RORY: I think Braveheart’s quite good. I’m including Scotland in Britain…I guess. The James Bond films, also, always classics.

I’m trying to figure out how to tell Rory those are American films about British people. I decide against it. Why spoil his good mood?

RORY: I don’t really watch that many British films. We don’t really make them, though…all our films are Americafied these days…

I pat myself on the back for not telling Rory just how Americafied his “British films” are.

CARLA: Use one word to describe yourself.

Rory makes a pained face and says, “ppphhhhh”. He then asks me to write that down. That’s his answer. I’m not misunderstanding his accent or his intent. He just wants me to write, “ppphhhhh”. I decide this is one of the best answers to a question in the history of mankind and I quickly write it down.

CARLA: Use one word to describe the crew bar.
RORY: Loud.
CARLA: Okay. I’m going to say three words. I want you to just say the first thing you think of when you hear these words. Number one, EAT.
RORY: White, fat people in general.
CARLA: PRAY.
RORY: Um, not me.
CARLA: LOVE.
RORY: I wish…or…if only.
CARLA: Two more questions, then you’re all done. Ever had GI?

Diarrhea equals a 24 hour quarrantine on a ship.

RORY: No! Thank god!

Rory crosses his fingers.

CARLA: What’s the signal for man overboard?

Rory starts laughing hysterically.

RORY: This is hard because I’m not employed by the company! So, technically, this isn’t something I HAVE to know!

Mariana and I start laughing hysterically too. I explain to him, “It’s okay. I didn’t know until like last week”. Mariana wags her finger at both of us.

RORY: Alpha?
MARIANA: No! That’s medical emergency!
RORY: Oscar?
MARIANA: Yes! Oscar!
RORY: I have no real reason to know that answer…yet…until I get my visa.

*Update* Rory was unable to get his Visa. The process would take too long and he was scheduled to debark on July 26th. Rory’s back in England now with plans to join NCL’s The Sky to continue his research in “Cruise Tourism” for the University of Brighton.